I get so afraid. These next few months are going to change so rapidly. Weather I go back to school or not, I’m going back to Florida. Noah could be facing jail time, or at least, probation… Depending on what happens with his hearing. He thinks he needs to stay here no matter what happens. Stay here and rebuild himself, pay off debts, work, save money. How could I ever trust him? I know he could make any choice if we’re together or not, but I’m usually with him up here.
He’s been sober. That’s the most important thing. I just don’t know if our relationship can take anymore set backs. We’ve already ben through too much. Can we survive distance on top of it? I don’t know. He’s so confident we’ll be okay. And well only end if I want it to. What will happen? Will I get home and think I’m better off? My family will convince me, that I already know. We need to talk about things, but I just cry when we try to.
I want to know. And right all I know is at some point I’ll be driving away from him. Driving away from a bed we’ve shared for almost three years. I know I’ll arrive somewhere and sit by myself and just feel alone.
Changes are difficult. I just don’t know what to think about life anymore…